Harmony in Marriage; How Do You Attain It?
>> Friday, May 14, 2010
The book of Amos chapter 3, verse 3 asks this question: Can two walk together except they be agreed? A pertinent question indeed. Whether in walk or in work and in any area of life and relationship where more than one person is involved, there has to be some form of agreement. But then what agreement? In what areas?
Can people who are of diverse backgrounds harmonize in marriage? What brings the harmony? I have seen marriages that are cross-cultural, cross-racial and yet wonderful. And I have also seen marriages where the two persons concerned are from the same tribe, speak same language, perhaps grew up on the same street, attended the same schools, attended same Church, yet the marriage is not working. What are the ingredients that bring harmony really?
I believe every woman, every man who ever got married (including those planning to get married) desire that there will be harmony in their marriage and home. Those of you who have some level of harmony must have cultivated it, worked at it and continued to maintain it. I will be glad to have you share/suggest/comment on this. Looking forward to reading from you.
8 comments:
Before marriage, I think one key to harmony might be similar values and this is in relation to almost every sphere: money, family, relationships, spirituality...anything you can think of.
The value system does not have to be exactly the same, but they should be similar. That eradicates a certain percentage of the stress.
I believe a key is putting God above all else. When He is more important than our spouse, more important than our own needs, everything else falls into alignment.
When we are both fervently pusuing God we meet each other in Him.
Great to have you here, you've raised an awesome daughter!
You said, "Those of you who have some level of harmony must have cultivated it, worked at it and continued to maintain it" The culture today fosters such a "me first/ I am the center of the universe" attitude that most of us enter marriage thinking these are good and healthly attitudes to have when really they set a marriage up for non-stop conflict. One word picture for me that really helps put things in perspective is Jesus when he grabbed the wash basin and towel and washed his follower's feets- he role modeled the servant leader approach to life. As a husband, that shapes my attitude toward my wife....I figure, it's up to God to shape my wife...low and behold, she loves it ;-) and nurtures and loves me back. It really is counter culture to have a mutually submissive relationship. Welcome to the blog-o-sphere! I found your blog via your daughter's blog where I am a regular reader. DM
I don't consider myself to be an expert on marriage, however I do read a lot of christian material on it with the hope of being a practical expert (As opposed to mere theories). That being said, i think the key to harmony is truly realising that the other person is human, just like yourself.. and with that knowing, taking moment or two to consider a response, before actually saying or doing it.
Though this is a rather one-sided approach to harmony... i think it works.
Sharon - Sharon,
Yes indeed, values do not have to be exactly the same but they must have their roots in the same Source - in Jesus and His worldview (as taught in scriptures). As Christians and children of God, what should characterize our lifestyle? How do you and him view money, family, relationship, work, discipline, etc? If there is a lot of communication during courtship (before marriage) you will get to know what his values are (and his worldview) and whether or not you are compatible. If they are poles apart, I am afraid, the harmony we are talking about will be mere wishful thoughts
HisFireFly -
Thanks indeed for your kind comment about my daughter, Sharon.
And oh yes, the key to harmony in marriage is to put God first and above all else in our lives, the marriage and home. God is the One Who originated and initiated marriage. More than anyone in the marriage God is keen on seeing the husband and the wife live in harmony and marital bliss. It can be wonderful when the couple both seek God together and as individuals in the marriage.
DM -
Thanks for your wise sharing. Submission is it. And yet how many people like to submit? It is a selfish, self-centered, self everything generation in which we live. If only we who call ourselves Christians will actually embibe the mind of Christ as taught us in Phillipians 2:2-5. There can be no harmony when each person insists on his/her own way
Orifie -
Actually practical Christianity, Orifie, is considering the welfare, the good of the other person before yours. When you stop to ask yourself "what would Jesus do in this situation" before you act, you would most likely do what God would expect you to do or say. For those who are married, marriage provides a platform for practical christianity. Charity begins at home. We can't be peace lovers, creating harmony outside but when it comes to our homes we create or allow a 'war zone'
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